Senior LifeStyle with Eileen O’Brien

By Eileen O’Brien

We all have one, two or maybe three…

WHAT you ask do we all have?? We all have GOOD and BAD neighbors. This really has hit home for me recently from the phone calls, chance in person meetings, e-mails and social media scrolling that comprises my life as your Senior Lifestyle columnist.

The GOOD neighbor stories that I hear about from seniors warms my heart. Snow shoveling, neighbors joining together as a group to organize a “Keep Rockland Beautiful” neighborhood cleanup, going the extra mile to return a lost wallet, phone, package, volunteering to deliver food, driving seniors to medical/dental/PT appointments, educating and providing concrete assistance in health, fire and mental health issues, phone calls to chat and check in, folks who attend rallies in support or opposition to local and national kitchen table issues that will affect you and your family and friends – My definition of neighbors requires a very big tent. Neighbors can live next store, down the block, in another neighborhood, town or state. Neighbors can be individuals, families, government officials, business owners and employees, religious organizations, civic associations, fraternal, veterans, senior, and non-profit groups.

Then there are the BAD neighbors, who feel that rules don’t apply to them, that the world revolves around them and others exist to satisfy their needs and desires. If truth be told, I am being contacted regarding more concerning bad neighbor situations. Examples that immediately come to mind are folks who allow their dogs to poop and pee on your front yard, kitten and cat owners who collect these animals, don’t neuter them and let them roam free to propagate so that your neighborhood becomes the cat capital of  Rockland County, folks who put their bulk pickup out in front of their residences three weeks before scheduled pickup, and those who never get the message that leaving plastic bags full of food waste the night before garbage pickup results in an all night buffet for all animals near and far. Think raccoons, skunks, bears, coyotes and of course the cats! A recent favorite on my hit parade of grievances has been your neighbor’s tree falling on your property damaging your house, car, fence etc. and when you approach your neighbor to remedy the situation, their response is that this was an “ Act of God” and they have “no responsibility to pay, share your expenses, or assist you in any way.” Maybe it’s my clinical training, but my initial advice to those of you who contact me has always been the direct and what I have always believed to be the neighborly personal approach to correcting a problem. Now I know you have told me that the direct and personal approach NEVER works and it’s better to contact the police, code enforcement, animal control, sanitation etc. But I’m old school, so when my near and mostly dear neighbors and fellow homeowners living near me and my wonderful, patient spouse in the land that time forgot, contacted me non-stop regarding a potentially very dangerous situation… I knew I had to do something. I had seen and experienced the potentially dangerous situation myself for the past two months and knew it could result in a preventable tragedy.

On Friday, July 3rd around three PM, I entered the automotive business establishment/neighbor located on North Rt. 303,  situated on the entrance street and the only way in and out of our small community, to speak with the owner/person in charge about a parking situation that was growing and becoming more dangerous. I identified myself, requested to speak to the person in charge and presented to this gentleman (whose name I never did learn) the danger his business practice was presenting to car drivers, walkers, bicyclists who frequented  the road and it’s nearby mountain trail/nature park. Now if truth be told, this gentleman was none too happy with the issue I brought to his attention. I would have to say that we were both somewhat defensive in our positions. As we walked about the area, I listened to his issues and he listened to mine. To give him his due, my new neighbor had some legitimate issues, which I think being a longtime neighbor and having a historical perspective on the area I was able to assist and point him in the right direction on follow up he might wish to take to educate himself. That left us with the community issue I was personally there for. As we walked about and we observed both our problems in real time, the gentleman gave me his word that he would rectify the situation I presented to him… And  within a day of our conversation with my business neighbor, my community’s situation has been addressed and remains fixed to this very day!

Now I’m not so naïve to think that the majority of potential “bad neighbor” scenarios are going to end as well as my recent “in vitro” encounter. But if there is a lesson to be learned from my recent “test case”, it might be to take a hard look at yourself and to decide which camp your thoughts and actions put you in…Are you a good neighbor, a bad neighbor, or are you just sitting on the fence waiting for a sign to decide?

“It is better to be kind to our neighbors than to cross the world to offer incense to our ancestors” -African Proverb