Who Encourages the Encourager?

The Home Front

Real Families. Real Struggles. Real Hope

There is an unwritten rule in our culture: the strong are expected to stay strong. The parent who always knows what to say. The teacher who inspires every  student. The nurse who comforts frightened patients. The police officer who  runs toward danger. The coach who motivates the team. The pastor who listens  to everyone’s burdens. The employer who keeps everyone optimistic during  difficult times.

They are the people others lean on. But who do they lean on? Most of us  assume that the encouragers somehow possess an endless emotional reserve. We imagine they wake up each morning overflowing with confidence,  patience, and hope. We seldom stop to consider that the person handing out  encouragement may desperately need some themselves.

The smiling face behind the checkout counter may have cried all night. The  neighbor who always checks on everyone else may be lonely. The friend who  always sends uplifting messages may secretly wonder whether anyone notices  when they disappear. Those who carry others are often carrying themselves  with remarkable effort. One of the quietest epidemics in modern life is  emotional exhaustion. We have become experts at asking, “How are the  children?” “How’s work?” “How’s your health?” Yet we rarely ask the  caregiver, “And how are you?”

Many people don’t answer honestly anyway. Not because they intend to deceive  us, but because they’ve grown accustomed to being the dependable one. They  don’t want to become another person’s burden. So, they smile. They joke. They  continue serving while silently hoping someone will notice that they, too, are  running on empty. In our achievement-driven culture, strength is often  celebrated while vulnerability is quietly hidden. Social media only magnifies  the illusion. We post victories but edit out the weariness. We celebrate  milestones but seldom photograph the lonely drive home after everyone has  gone.

The result is a society filled with people who appear connected while quietly  feeling invisible and unseen. Real encouragement doesn’t always require a  grand speech or dramatic gesture. Sometimes it is simply paying attention. Notice the coworker who has become unusually quiet. Send the unexpected  text. Write the handwritten note. Invite someone to lunch without waiting for a  special occasion. Ask a second question after hearing the automatic answer of  “I’m fine.”

Sometimes those two words are the most convincing disguise in the English  language. Encouragement is not merely the transfer of kind words. It is the  recognition of another person’s invisible battle. The remarkable thing about  encouragement is that it multiplies. One sincere conversation can change the  atmosphere of an entire family. One thoughtful phone call can interrupt someone’s downward spiral. One expression of appreciation can give a weary  soul enough strength to continue another day.

Most people will never remember every compliment they received, but they  will never forget the moment someone noticed them when they felt invisible. Scripture offers a surprisingly practical reminder: “Therefore comfort each  other and edify one another”. That instruction is not reserved for clergy or  counselors. It is an invitation for ordinary people to become extraordinary  encouragers.

Imagine how different our communities would become if every person  intentionally looked for someone who appeared strong and quietly asked, “How  are you… really?” That single word—really—has rescued more conversations  than many realize. The strongest people in your life may not need admiration  nearly as much as they need permission to be human. Perhaps the greatest irony  is this: encouragers are often the last people to ask for encouragement because  they have spent so much of their lives giving it away.

This week, think about someone who has consistently stood beside others. The  family member who never complains. The volunteer who always arrives first. The supervisor who carries everyone else’s problems. The friend who  remembers every birthday but rarely receives an unexpected call. Reach out. Say thank you. Offer your time. Listen without rushing. You may discover that behind the confident smile stands someone who has quietly prayed for exactly  that moment. After all, even the strongest shoulders eventually grow tired. And  sometimes the greatest act of kindness is reminding the person who has spent  years holding everyone else together that they don’t have to carry the weight  alone.

Because the people who spend their lives lighting the path for others occasionally need someone to notice that their own candle is burning low—and  before it goes out, simply help them relight the flame.

Dr. Max Rossi is the Pastor of the Christian Church of Rockland in Garnerville, Rockland County.