Teaching Gratitude in an Age of Entitlement

The Home Front

Real Families. Real Struggles. Real Hope

We live in an age of abundance—and somehow, many of us have never felt like  we have enough. A child gets a new phone and immediately asks for a newer  one. A teenager receives a car and complains about the color. An employee gets  a raise but focuses on the vacation days they did not receive. Even adults can  fall into the trap of measuring life by what is missing rather than appreciating  what is already in their hands.

Entitlement does not always look arrogant. Sometimes it sounds like, “I  deserve better.” Sometimes it whispers, “Why didn’t I get what they got?” And  sometimes it simply makes us so accustomed to our blessings that we stop  noticing them. That is why gratitude must be taught. Gratitude is not something  children automatically learn because they grow up. It is a character quality  developed through example, expectation, and practice. And the best place to  teach it is not in a lecture—but in everyday life. Gratitude begins at home. Children listen to what we say, but they watch what we do. If parents  constantly complain about the house, the job, the neighbors, the economy, the  restaurant, the vacation, or the things they cannot afford, children absorb the  message: Life is about getting more. But when parents say, “We don’t have  everything we want, but look at everything we do have,” children learn a  different lesson.

So, make gratitude part of your ordinary conversation. At the dinner table, ask,  “What is one thing you’re thankful for today?” When someone helps you, say  thank you—even for the little things. When your children receive something,  don’t immediately ask, “Did you like it?” Ask, “How can we show appreciation  to the person who gave it to you?” Teach children—and remind ourselves—that  having less than someone else does not mean having less to be grateful for. Take a walk through your community. Visit someone who is lonely. Volunteer  at a food pantry. Help an elderly neighbor. Serve a family going through a difficult season. Sometimes gratitude grows when we stop staring at what we  don’t have and start noticing what we can give.

That is to say, gratitude should not depend on circumstances. There is an  important distinction between gratitude and pretending everything is fine. Gratitude does not mean ignoring pain. A person can be grieving and still be  thankful. Someone can be struggling financially and still appreciate a meal. A  family can face uncertainty and still recognize the value of being together. In  fact, the idea of gratitude is not denial; it is perspective. We are told, “In  everything give thanks.” Notice that it did not say for everything. There is a  difference. We don’t have to be thankful for every hardship. But even in  hardship, we can find something for which to be thankful. That is a lesson  worth teaching our children—and ourselves.

One practical way to combat entitlement is to connect privileges with  responsibility. If a teenager wants the newest phone, teach them to care for the  phone they already have. If children want expensive activities, teach them that  family resources are limited and that everyone has responsibilities. The goal  isn’t to make children feel guilty for having nice things. The goal is to make  sure nice things don’t become more important than people. We should raise  children who can enjoy a blessing without believing they are entitled to it. Nothing changes perspective quite like serving someone who cannot repay you. Prepare a meal for someone who is sick. Visit someone in a nursing home.  Help clean up a neighborhood. Donate gently used clothing. Write a note of  appreciation to a teacher, police officer, firefighter, caregiver, pastor, military  veteran, or someone whose work is often overlooked.

Don’t simply tell children to be grateful. Give them opportunities to see how  much their actions can mean to someone else. Gratitude becomes deeper when  it moves from the heart to the hands. And don’t forget to say “thank you” In a  culture obsessed with speed, convenience, and personal rights, two simple  words can become revolutionary: Thank you. Perhaps the most important  lesson we can teach the next generation is this: You are blessed, but you are not  entitled. You did not create yourself. You did not earn every opportunity you  received. Somewhere along the way, someone opened a door, offered a hand,  made a sacrifice, prayed for you, believed in you, or simply loved you when  you didn’t deserve it.

Gratitude reminds us that life is not merely about what we can get. It is about  recognizing what we have received—and becoming the kind of person who  gives back. Because one day, our children may forget the toys we bought, the  vacations we took, and the things we gave them. But if we teach them  gratitude, they may remember something far more valuable: How to look at an  ordinary life, count extraordinary blessings, and say, “I have more than enough  to be thankful for.”

Dr. Max Rossi is the Pastor of the Christian Church of Rockland in Garnerville, Rockland County.