HUMOR: Predictions for 2019

BY THE SPECTATOR, John Maloney

Yes, they all laughed when in January 2016 the Spectator predicted that Donald Trump would be President of the United States. Look what happened! So pay attention to my list for the year 2019.

• Kansas City Chiefs will win the Super Bowl.
• A 15-inch snow storm will hit our area towards the end of January.
• The groundhog will pop up in Central Park and be mugged!
• Fed-Ex will merge with United Parcel and the new company will be called Fed-Up!
• A drone will hit the Statue of Liberty!
• We will have three – 100˚ days during the month of July!
• Macy’s Dept. Store will re-open as Gimbels!
• Pres. Trump buys the Great Wall of China and erects it on the Mexican border.
• In August, 10,000 aliens from Mars and Saturn land in Central Park and demand to become citizens!
• This will be a mild winter.
• Yankees start the season with 10 straight wins
• On February 19, the spectator will reach his 95^th birthday! Pres. Trump sends a tweet, “Save me a piece of cake!”
• Senator Schumer discovers that he is sixty percent Muslim!
• We will have a 60˚ day in February.
• A fire will break out in the Empire State Building. No big damage!
• July will follow June. (Hey, I’ve got to get something right).
• Eli Manning will be the Giant QB in 2019.
• During the summer, more killings will take place in Chicago in one week than were killed at Custer’s Last Stand
• Graffiti appears on the wall between Mexico and the United States.
• Amelia Earhart found in the Sain Building in New City.
• Life discovered on Pluto – all dogs!
• The Kentucky derby will be won by a brown horse with four legs and a tail.
• Gas at the pump will be $2.80 a gallon by June.
• Cows go on strike. Refuse to give milk.
• Goat milk sells for $5.00 a quart in August.
• Toys ‘R Us re-opens as Toys Was Us!
• Burger King introduces new hamburger made with meat!
• Pres. Trump shot in arm in July as assassination plot fails!
• Bomb scare closes George Washington Bridge for hours.
• Move started to ban Mother Goose and Grimm Fairy Tales from schools and libraries. Claim Rhymes are racist, anti-matrimony and overt sexual content!
• DNA performed on person in tomb of the Unknown Soldier. He is discovered to be a Sioux Indian killed by Custer’s men!
• Riots break out in Italy as engineers attempt to straighten the Leaning Tower of Pisa.
• Chaos in England as “Ancestry” results show that Queen Elizabeth is 90 percent Irish!
• Spectator to write on what nursery rhymes will be banned and why!
• Met pitcher deGrom will hurl a no-hitter in August.
• Mets beat Yanks in World Series!
• Treasury Department considers removing Franklin, Jefferson and Jackson from our currency. Claims they are illegal immigrants!

Have a Great Year!

  2019, new year, predictions, spectator