Self Portrait of a Monkey as a Scholar

BY HARRY WAITZMAN

My talent is as long as my tail,
perhaps thicker than my whiskers,
my shrieks stir alphabet soup

When I lecture, my teeth chatter,
my nose squeaks like chalk scrawling
on a blackboard. I scream at kids

fighting in hallways. My mate grooms
me for fleas, crushing them between her teeth
When aroused, my hand tickles her ears.