BY STEPHANIE DOLCE
If you read my book, “Hello Love, Where’s Cupid?” then you read how science proves that we don’t choose whom we fall in love with, but when things go sour it’s not the love that fails it’s the people who fail.
But as emotional beings, we hate losing at anything, let alone relationships. But it’s hard to love someone who doesn’t love you back. That’s why breaking up is so hard for some.
No one wants to fail and therefore the saying we hear, “Love never fails,” irks a lot of people. The love is always going to be there even though sometimes we can’t see it, but most of the time, that isn’t the issue.
Too many people confuse loving someone with being in love, they are two separate things. Many times we say we love him or her, but not in the same sense as being in love with someone. Being in love with someone means accepting the negative attributes as well as the positive, without trying to constantly change that person. It is growing together, not apart, but allowing each other to grow into the person he or she is to be. True love stories never have endings. They just keep going and going regardless of the situations, the times, and the changes.
Loving someone just because we love a few things about them is where the confusion of love never fails comes into play. It’s only natural for us to judge others and criticize others. If we didn’t we wouldn’t be human. But when you can only see the bad things in another person to the point, where all you do is constantly complain about him or her, that where the love never fails, but where we fail as people.
And instead of saying we failed, we say the love failed or the relationship went sour. (Abusive relationships completely different, therefore, love is not the word you associate with abuse!)
Again the love for that person is always there, but for it to be true love is a whole different ballgame.
It is fascinating just how defensive people get when you tell them that love doesn’t fail, it’s the people that fail. I had this conversation with another woman and a man who both were determined to tell me that it was the love that failed, not them. They went on and on about how the love failed them in their past relationships. The guy, who is also divorced, pointed out that his ex-wife was the one who failed him and now he doubts love even exists. When a relationship goes sour one person is not at fault but both people.
It certainly takes two to tango and it certainly takes both parties to make any relationship work, period. But again, people do not like to be “losers” at anything. I guess that is why the term, “sore loser” can now come into play. When we lose, especially at love, we feel hurt, used, and cheated.
But when you can’t understand that it wasn’t the love that failed you, it was you who failed at the relationship, you will constantly have your heartbroken until you realize it once and for all.
Loving another person and having that person love you back is something everyone craves. Just the other day a guy told me that he was tired of being alone. The advice given to him was simply this: The most important person you should love is yourself. You can’t expect someone to love you if you don’t love you first. The best things aren’t planned, they just happen. Just don’t stop believing. Once we stop believing, we build walls so high, that even the sweetest person we come in contact with has a hard time trying to climb that wall.
When you stop believing and have negatives feelings towards love it’s hard to expect it back. And the sadder thing is when it’s right in front of you, you don’t embrace it or enjoy it since you stopped believing in it. Never give up on love, because love will never give up on you. If it’s standing right in front of you, don’t fear it, embrace it.
Love can best be summed up like this: To one who has faith, no explanation is necessary. To one without faith, no explanation is possible.
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