By the Spectator, John Maloney

The mayor of New York City, lost out in court when he tried to ban the sale of large-size sodas in New York. The judge said, “You can’t legislate health issues for the citizens of the city.”

Now the mayor wants to protect the children from even seeing a pack of cigarettes in their life time. Now he wants to remove cigarettes from view in all the stores where they are sold!

“Keep them under the counter,” he said. “Slide them in the back row. Put them behind a curtain. Lock them up! Place the cigarettes in a safe. Don’t let the children know that they even exist.”

His point is that he doesn’t want children to be tempted to buy a pack or to even smoke in order to save their lives. The reason is some but most people say you can’t legislate health issues.

If he gets his way with his latest “law,” we’ll be back in the prohibitors days with all the terrible side effects that come with the law of booze.

When will it end? What other ideas has the mayor got up his sleeve or behind his back? Here are some future laws that the mayor might try to hinder the citizens of New York City with:

– There will be a law on all cans and cabs in the city because of toxic fumes
– Reese’s peanut butter cups will be outlawed because some people are allergic to peanut butter
– Children under the age of 17 will not be allowed in museums because they may view works of art that depict nudity.
– Pretzels and peanuts will be banned everywhere because they contain salt and salt can be a health hazard
– For a cleaner New York, dogs and horses will wear diapers. A dog or horse without a diaper will be shot on the spot. Animals in the zoo are exempt from this law
– Bald heads will not be tolerated! Wigs must be worn in the city. The reflection from the sun shining on a bald head could get in someone’s eye and cause an accident!
– All fruits with pits will be banned from sale in New York. The danger of choking far outweighs the health benefits
Because of the danger of paper cuts and infections, citizens who read books in the local libraries must wear gloves. The gloves may be plastic or cotton
– Goldfish bowls must be rectangular. It is cruel to have goldfish swimming around in circles all their lives
– No more olives in a martini…they could cause death by choking!
– The Salvation Army Santa Claus will be banned from collecting money outside retail stores during the Christmas season. The pots may be contaminated and the word “Army” might bother the pacifists in our community
– Ice cream vendors may only sell ice cream products in the summer months. It looks ridiculous for someone to eat a cone during the month of January or February
– Breathing may be banned if it interferes with someone else’s right to stop breathing and die!
– Stickball games will be banned in city sheets. The bat, flying from some batter’s hands, can become a lethal weapon”
Jumping rope, a life-long activity, is outlawed.Little girls have been known to trip and hurt themselves. We don’t need any more lawsuits
– Hard hats must be worn by all spectators attending sporting events because of the danger of flying bats, pucks or baseballs. The only exception will be ping pong tournaments.

Also, the Spectator will be banned from ever appearing in any part of New York City.

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