BY STEPHANIE DOLCE
Do fairy tales really exist or are we kidding ourselves by believing that we all will someday find that “happily ever after” ending in our lives? This is the question that I have been thinking about for about a few weeks now. And instead of getting a solid answer for this question, I have more and more questions. We all want to believe that everything in the end will workout for the best, but when you are constantly bombarded with downfalls and your heart is broken, it does get hard to believe that in the end you will get what you so have desired.
We all strive for practically the same thing: A career we love, a house we can call our own, and a boyfriend/girlfriend that is going to love us forever. All my best friend wanted back in the day was to get the “ring” and everything else would just “fall into place.” And once she got the “ring” her thinking was coming true. She would have the husband, the house, and then the children. Life seemed to be great. Until she realized that she really wasn’t in love with the man she married, she was just in love with the thought of getting married. It also didn’t help the situation that her husband wasn’t very helpful and just sat there like a lazy ass while she did everything. I could get really into the situation but I can tell you the ending is not a “happily ever after” ending. They eventually got a divorce and after dating many, many guys who I would classify as players, fakers, and users, she eventually did find a man who is perfect for her. But it took TIME.
A lot of women are afraid of being alone, so therefore they pick the wrong guys, carry all that baggage from their past relationships into the present ones, causing their own dating hell. It also could be that because women want their “happily ever after” ending, that they are blinded by who they choose, and therefore create the heartbreak themselves. Could it be that most women are so desperately looking for their “prince” that they choose to ignore the signs that point to “this guy is a jerk,” that they just decide that they can “change him” and make it work?
I think my best friend’s situation is common among women today. We all give men who are jerks so many excuses as to why they behave in the manner that they behave, that instead of telling them their behavior is unacceptable, we allow it to continue.
And what makes matters worse is the fact that we keep choosing these “jerks” thinking that we are going to change them for the better and they in return are going to be out “happily ever after” ending.
Am I saying that happily ever after ending don’t exist? I don’t know. I do know that some women are very lucky to have found their “prince” charming and they seem to have that happily ever after ending. Take my other best friend, for example. She dated her husband when she was in high school and college. They had a dream wedding, have a beautiful child and now just bought a house. Now their lives aren’t perfect, as no one’s lives are, they fight, they argue, but at the end of the day they have their “happily ever ending.”
Sadly I can say that I have kissed tons of frogs along the way and still am in search of the who, what, where, and why. Although I can tell you, I think I have found him, I just have hit a major bump in the road. What I think is holding us back is the fact that it happened unexpectedly, which sometimes, scares the hell out of him. Men are like mascara. They run at the first sign of emotion.
Everytime when I think I have finally found the relationship of my dreams, as fast as I can blink my eyes, I can hear the dating goddess in the background shouting, “ Now so fast my pretty!” And then as fast as a bolt of lightning, I am found in dating or relationship hell.
It’s not that I am picking the wrong guys as much as I am expecting things to be a certain way. Does the name Cinderella, for example, ring any bells? She lives a terrible life, gets to go the ball, dances with the prince, he falls for her, and then rescues her from her miserable life.
That’s the thing, to stop expecting it to look like what you thought it was going to look like and just enjoy what you have instead. If we could do that instead of how we approach each relationship, maybe we could have it all and that would include our happily ever after ending. It is true that sometimes we expect more from others because we would be willing to do that much for them, but maybe, just maybe, we should not expect anything, and then we’ll get everything.
In order to get the relationship you want you need to step so far outside your comfort zone that you forget how to get back. The cost of not following your heart, is spending the rest of your life wishing you had. You can’t always wait for the perfect time to do something. Sometimes you need to take step forward & make the time perfect by yourself. If you wait until you’re ready, you’ll be waiting the rest of your life.
You cannot always wait for the perfect time. Sometimes you must dare to jump.
Do I believe in fairy tales? Yes. Do I think that they can happen even though my heart has been broken a million times? Yes, I do. I believe that even after all the tears I have shed there are lessons to learn. And if I take the time to realize those lessons, apply them to the next relationship, I might, just might, find my fairy tale and therefore live, happily ever after.